Annalee's Corner

Quinn is 6 months old. He is a bundle of joy and happiness. He is learning how to walk, and mind you, he has no interest in crawling. He pushes his walker around the house, although lands on his face regularly. Quinn is sitting in his big kid stroller also. It is amazing how fast things change.

I am well. Tired always. I do not know if it is the antidepressants I am on, or if this is just natural. I am getting a bit frustrated with the lack of exercise and energy. But, I know it will not be permanent.

I continue to breastfeed. I am not pumping at work anymore, so he is nursed only in the morning, after school, dinner, and before bedtime. He receives soy formula during the day. He refused dairy-based formula, so I am thinking he just knows better. Daddy is so lactose intolerant, so I am certain he will be also.

Grandma and Grandpa McBee have their 40th wedding anniversary this year. We will be going to Mexico to celebrate. Quinn just got his passport. Grandpa Varner is coming at the end of this month, and we hope Grandma Moke and Grandma Dana will come soon.

Love to you all, Anza

Well is has been quite awhile since I have been online. Life has had its ups and downs. We seem to have been heading downhill for awhile, but things are looking up again.

Quinn is amazing of course. He is blowing us away daily as he grows. He does not like being still and wants to crawl now. He is easily irritated when mummy does not get up and help him cruise the house. Quinn has also begun the lovely process of teething and that is no fun. He has gone from wanted to sleep to wanting to be up and scream. My heart breaks for him as I cannot soothe him sometimes.

We had a great Christmas Eve. We celebrated with fondue and opened gifts from family and friends. We then spent Christmas day opening stockings, going on a long walk around Washington Park, and just spending time playing with the squirt.

Work has been a transition. We start official daycare on the 5th which we are not excited about. Quinn loved being with Granny and so it was hard to see her go. We are sure we will make new friends and bond with Mina (his new nanny), but will also get quite a few sniffles and colds.

I am healthy and happy now. Brandon and I are doing great and he is getting stoked on going back to school for environmental engineering. I am enjoying my last week off before returning to high school a.k.a. zoo.

Happy Holidays and much Love from us all!

Anza

School continues to go well, but I am just not thrilled about being there. I find myself getting to work as early as possible, so I can bail out before I am supposed to. Some students are great, while others are testing out the water again. It is annoying. When will high school students grow up.

Quinn has been testing our patience. I believe he has a witching hour around 5-6, in which he screams and cries for no apparent reason. It is also hard because since I have not been with him all day, coming home to screaming baby is not fun.

My mum continues to live with us. It has been a real gift to us. We try not to make each other too mad. Really, the arguments are around petty issues, so we both just need to cut each other some slack. She has been keeping herself busy with yoga, swimming, church, book clubs, and visits to the Botanical Garden and museums. She has much more of an interesting life than the rest.

Quinn loves his Granny! They have so much fun together and I wonder if I could ever entertain my son as well as she does. It is amazing the stories and songs she knows.

Breastfeeding is easy now. I can not believe how hard it was a first. Pumping is overrated, but I continue since I am not ready to stop breastfeeding just yet. We will see how long I continue.

Hope everyone is well! Lots of love, Anza

Well I managed to survive my first week of work. It was bittersweet! I was glad to be back and have intellectual stimulation, but sad to miss so much of Quinn's day.

My students seem to have adjusted to me being back. I hope that they are excited to see me. I am sure the day that they are moody and annoying will be the day I really crave being a housewife. Well.... maybe not that extreme.

We have found a daycare for Quinn to start at come January. It is expensive, but I think we will both be more relaxed sending him there then some of the other other alternatives.

Off to bed! I am exhausted!

Well, the beginning of our trip was great! We are now at the end and unfortunately we are all sleep deprived and grumpy.

We started off the trip with a drive to Bend, Oregon to marry off Shawn (Brandons little brother). The wedding went well. I was smothered with family wanting to hold the baby, touch the baby, see the baby.... you get the jist. Definitely overwhelming, although nice to see everyone.

We then moved locations and head to Eugene, Oregon. The gray skies and rain graced on presence and helped me remember why I love Colorado so much more than Oregon. We spent time with Sheryll & Dana and also with Fred.

We are now up in Portland/Hood River area with my parents. It feels more relaxing although I am definitely more crabby and ready to go home. I feel a little guilty since my parents have to see me being more anti-social and tired, but they understand.

We have two more days and then we will be home. Quinn is definitely starting to lose it and has had a rough rough day today. I think we will all be a bit better when we are back to our routine and groove.

Love, Anza

I survived! Yep, and with the help of many very close friends. Lots of love coming my way - which I am entirely grateful for. Friends fed me, comforted me when Quinn was freaking out, walked the pups with me, etc.

So now, I have to prepare for the big trip home to Oregon, my mama coming to live with us, and going back to work. But, I think everything will work out fine. Just got have a little faith.

Love to you all! Thanks Pat, Steph, Michelle, Kate, and Cata for everything this weekend. I means the world to me.

Life feels overwhelming for me! I know everyone seems to think I am over exaggerating a bit, but I am exhausted. Quinn is sleeping through the night which is great. But, the whole hospital thing really was intense and I have not fully recovered. Plus, he does not sleep well during the day, so no rest for mama.

I am sick of everyone having there own opinion about what I am doing with Quinn, saying how great I look and acting as though the hospitalization was no big deal. No one is walking in my shoes. I know that in retrospect our visit was much more simple than many other hospital visits, but that does not mean it never happened. And yeah, I might be skinny, but it does not feel healthy. I feel emaciated, not healthy fit. I am in survival mode.

I am not looking forward to Brandon going away this weekend and not looking forward to going home to Oregon, honestly. I am sick of comments people make about me. I thought everyone was supposed to focus on him, not me.

So people, focus on him please. Cut me some slack and let me throw a pitty party for myself once in a while. I could really use a break...

Well, it is Saturday. We are home which is nice. The hospital couch is not the most comfy bed in the world. I am recovering from Brandons cold now. So, of course I am now producing the antibodies that might have saved Quinn from an expensive hospital visit and stressful life experience. Oh well... shit happens, right?

We are having a relaxing Saturday. We went on a stroll, the Farmers Market, Babies R Us, and now I am getting ready to go out with the ladies for the evening. It will be a nice break - although I know I will miss the little bub.

I am a bit worried about the visit and plane ride home to Oregon which is coming up in two weeks. I think I will be pretty protective of him, as I do not need a repeat of this week. It amazes me how many sick people there are, and well, it is a little disgusting when you know not everyone washes their hands.

Breastfeeding is going well, finally. I am so stoked to have gotten it figured out. I hated washing and sanitizing all those bottles. My thrush is also under control so no more burning pains. Thank goodness. I have my 6-week doctor appointment next week, so we are just moving along rapidly. Hate to think I will be back at work soon.

Love to you all,
Anza

Here I am, sitting in the hospital with my baby all hooked up. This is the last think I expected and especially not this early. We are doing well, but it has been very traumatic to me. Fortunately, I think he will not remember this experience, but I definitely will not forget these last days.

He currently has an IV in his head after blowing 8 different attempts and having his old IV start to malfunction. He is on antibiotics as a precautionary measure and on fluids because he is not eating.

It is a waiting game mostly. The lab work takes 48 hours. Hopefully, it will all come back negative and he will start to eat more and we will be home this evening.

I am fried and have no energy to write more. He is so precious and it is so hard to see him in this state. Wish our family the best and send us lots of good karma.

Love to you all, A.

Happy one month of life, Quinn!

Today is a big day - we have a doctor appointment to see how he has grown. Brandon and I are predicting he will be 8 pounds and something. He has been eating away, although he has now begun to spit up after eating, so I always think he is not getting enough to eat.

Brandon has been taking off every Wednesday to help at home. This has been a blessing. It breaks up the week for me and gives me a chance to regroup. This week Brandon has been sick, so I feel bad for the poor guy.

Breastfeeding- hmmm..... I am still not convinced that I love it, but I continue on. It has gotten much much easier. The latch is getting better, the blister is healing, and the thrush is much more under control. I just hope it lasts and disappears once and for all. I do have this new thing called a vasospasm. It is when the blood it cut off in a certain area and then when it comes rushing back (when he unlatches), then it burns like hell (the nipple). It is a symptom of my Rheumatoid Arthritis. I already got this in my toes and fingers (when it gets cold), but it has been a new thing in the breasts. Not fun, but manageable for sure.

I have six weeks left of maternity leave. I keep bumping into my students during daily walks or visits around the hood. I saw one boy yesterday stoned off his ass yesterday. Made me realize that they are still pretty messed up students and that I sort of do not want to deal with that sort of BS anymore. Oh well! Let us see what I say in a few more weeks. I am sure I will crave it a bit more.

Hope all is well in your lives! Keep in touch and let me know how you all are doing also. Much love,

Anza

So, here I am 3 weeks in. Still have thrush, a cracked nipple, and a poor latch (seems that he has a tiny mouth, so it is very shallow). I am in pain to say the least, but I keep on!

You might ask why! I ask myself the same thing some times. I guess I just feel like it is still the best choice- breastmilk that is. And I have been using some bottle-feeding and the whole sanitizing, cleaning, etc. that comes along with that is such a royal pain in the ass.

My mental state fluctuates from complete exhaustion and hysteria, to an overabundant filling of love and joy towards the little guy. It feels like Brandon gets the better end of the deal, but then again, he has to put up with me, which is no joy. I am sure I am more psycho then I was pregnant!

My plan for now is to take it day by day. I continue to treat the thrush and seek help with the latching challenges. I will continue to pump a couple times a day to give my breasts a break. I will continue to modify my diet to the best of my ability to kick this yeast in its butt.

But most importantly, I will continue to love on the little babe. He has a great attitude already and is really very mellow. And, I will continue to try to keep my emotions at bay so my dear hubby does not disown me.

Love to you all!

Anza

So, I have definitely had a crazy week! Had some highs, but definitely mostly lows. I was misdiagnosed with mastitis. This is a problem because what I really had was thrush - a raging yeast infection on my breasts.

Sounds fun, right?
Well, the antibiotics that I was prescribed only encouraged the yeast to grow more rapidly and spread. So, now I am dealing with sharp radiating pain through my shoulder and back when I breast feed. Not to mention the raw nipples...
Luckily, after being the squeaky wheel, I was able to get a second opinion today and have been told to get the heck off the antibiotics and start treating the yeast. What a major pain in the ass!
I have been up and down. Definitely have had my moments where I want to quit breastfeeding. Especially with this pain. (I honestly believe it is worse than labor.) I guess I will take it day to day right now.
Little Mr. Quinn is going in tomorrow for a check-up and to be prescribed Nystatin, which will help control his raging yeast infection.
Oh yeah, to make matters worse. I managed to get my shirt stuck to his umbilical cord and yank it off. And he got snipped this week!
I am glad it is the weekend! Hopefully week three will be more positive.
Love you guys!!!

Today is Sunday! Hard to believe almost a whole week has gone by.

Breast-feeding has gotten easier. I thought I would not make it through the engorgement stage. Brandon is doing a night feeding for me, which has been great! Quinn is sleeping 4-5 hours at night, so feeling more awake.

Not to stoked about Brandon going back to work soon. I am hoping not to drive myself crazy at home. This is when I wished I was a little more crafty - which I am not! : (

My mum and dad are in town and have been great! They stocked up our cupboards and fridge with enough food for the month. My mum has been cooking dinner for us and helping out with the pups. Their help is so appreciated. So even when my mum starts driving me nuts, I know that I owe her and daddy the world.

Hope everyone is well! I wish I had more energy to talk to you all! Peace and love,
Anza

Wow- what a crazy transition I have just experienced! It is an amazing feeling to know that I have given birth to a beautiful little boy. It also overwhelms me.

The birth went great in my opinion. I had originally hoped to do a completely natural birth, BUT, Quinn had other plans for me. I had a scheduled induction for 8/29/08. I was not thrilled about this, so I asked my friend, Nicole for some natural inducing techniques. She suggested taking Borage Oil. I began this early last week.

By Thursday, I finally was feeling some contractions coming on. And of course, they got stronger and stronger. But, despite my attempts, my cervix continued to be stubborn. So, when I was sent home from the hospital on Saturday - I pretty much was devastated. Looking at it now, knowing that I had none stop early labor for four days straight and NO sleep and no dilation - I think getting an epidural was the most compassionate thing I could have done for myself and baby Quinn. I have no regrets.

These first days have been a roller coaster ride. I do not think I have ever had so many other woman man-handle my boobs in attempts to get baby Quinn to latch correctly. Quinn continues to be fussy around breast-feeding time, but I continue to be patient and do everything I can. I am pumping on and off to help the supply come in and hoping we will "just get the hang of it".

I have cried my eyes out once or twice now. Brandon has been amazing. I cannot imagine not having him here daily to help with feedings and just moral support and love. I am truly blessed. I am also blessed to have two amazing friends, Michelle and Nicole. They have really lifted my spirits, talked me through the hard times, and provided amazing help with the dogs and daily household chaos.

I will continue to try to write in here regularly. I hope it gives you all a place to get little updates, since we are all so far away from each other.

Thank you for your love. I could not do this without you.

Love, Anza